


True Priorities

by Captain_Susanne



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-23
Updated: 2012-08-23
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Susanne/pseuds/Captain_Susanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being disappointed about the ending of Resolutions I created my own imaginings how the love story of Janeway and Chakotay should have continued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Freezing Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I did it! A long journey has come to its end. Finally my first written JC story is finished.  
> I dedicate this story to my dear friend Malezita.  
> Moreover I have to say a big thank you to Koneia helping me to translate the original german version into English and GSlovesvoyager for the beating.  
> For all the german JCers I have uploaded also the german version of my story. 
> 
> I own nothing. All characters belong to Paramount.

It had become silent. Yes, silence described the feeling Chakotay sensed since Kathryn and he were back on Voyager.

Four weeks were gone since their return from New Earth. And everything was like before. No, actually it was worse than before. In the past she had beamed at him with her wonderful sea blue eyes, they had often met for lunch and she had shown him her affection with small gestures – a brief touch during the weekly briefings, then a wink, when both were the same opinion, or an encouraging nod, whenever he was feeling miserable.

But during the four weeks everything had changed. Kathryn was so dissociated from him and so cold. Sometimes Chakotay had the impression that she had perfected her captain´s mask. Nothing seemed to be left of his Kathryn in whom he fell in love on New Earth.

He had been drawn to her from the beginning of their journey. It had started from that moment when he had seen her on the screen asking for his help to find their missing crewmembers. But only on New Earth he had to admit to himself how much he loved her and finally confessed his love to her in the form of a legend.

An “angry warrior” – that was exactly how he felt his whole life. Nothing and no one was able to give him his salvation. Chakotay realized thanks to Kathryn what was truly important in his life and what he had searched a lifetime for, a soulmate who gave him security during hard times, who made him laugh, who understood him, who was always honest towards him and above all who loved him with all of her heart.

He never doubted Kathryn´s love for a second. Her reaction after hearing his “angry warrior legend” showed it all. Certainly there was her fiancé Mark Johnson but Chakotay believed that deep in her heart Kathryn had finished this relationship. Nevertheless Mark Johnson had been the reason why Kathryn had restrained herself still on New Earth.

After he had confessed his love to her, they often held hands especially when both laid next to each other on the meadow before their cabin and watched the unfamiliar stars. Once Chakotay had tried to kiss her.

“Give me some time.” Kathryn asked him and he had respected her decision. They had plenty of time for the rest of their lives and Chakotay knew that Kathryn soon would be ready for the next step in their relationship.

But then came the day which changed everything. It had been a sunny morning and he had planned a surprise for Kathryn. During the last weeks she often had mentioned that she would like to explore the river. As a result Chakotay had begun to build a little boat. He knew that this would give her pleasure.

While he was showing the surprise to her on the computer suddenly Tuvok reported over the combadge that Voyager had found a cure and would come back to rescue them. For both it had been a shock. Of course they were happy to see their family again, after all that was Voyager´s crew to them, but that had been also the ending of their growing love.

In the evening before Voyager arrived – both were busy packing their stuff and equipment – he went to her.

“We have to talk about this Kathryn!”She looked up to him and he realized that she struggled with her tears.

 “I know.” Her whisper was barely audible.

They sat down at the kitchen table. This was just the place where he had confirmed his love to her only some weeks ago. They remained silent for some minutes. No one knew exactly what to say.

Finally Chakotay plucked up the courage and took her hands in his. “I don´t know how to begin?” he said calmly while Kathryn´s glance was lowered. “To be honest I would never have expected to see our crew again. Don´t get me wrong Kathryn. I´m happy to see B´Elanna, Harry, Neelix and the rest of the crew again but…but…” his voice faltered shortly while searching for the right words to explain his feelings. He looked at Kathryn who still had lowered her gaze. “Kathryn…Kathryn look at me.“ Slowly she raised her head. He could see clearly the tears in her eyes.

“Kathryn please tell me. What about us? How will we go on?”

Kathryn lowered her eyes once more and took a deep breath. Suddenly she stood up and turned her back on Chakotay. Some seconds later which felt like an eternity for Chakotay she turned around and in her face her captain´s mask was in place again. “I think we need again to define some parameters about us Commander!” she said in a severe tone…

 

“Commander what do you think?...Commander?...Commander Chakotay do you hear me?” The captain´s question jolted him out of his daydreams during the weekly briefing.

“Captain, excuse me! I was a little bit distracted.”

“We have noticed it.“ smirked Neelix.

Janeway fixed the Commander with a stern glance. “Well, Commander, now that we apparently have your undivided attention again, could you please tell me your opinion of the idea?”

Chakotay shifted around on his chair nervously. “Captain, excuse me but could you repeat the idea once more?”

Janeway cleared her throat and repeated again with crossed arms Tuvok´s proposal for monthly security training. “So Commander, what do you think of that?”

„Well, I think that the crew would benefit from regular security training. In the beginning some of them will certainly grumble but over time the training will become routine. In my opinion it can´t do any harm to be prepared for all [eventualities](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/contingencies.html) and dangers here in the Delta Quadrant.” said Chakotay hoping his captain would be satisfied with the answer.

Janeway crossed her arms still more and looked at him with a withering look. “Should that be a covert hint that I´m responsible for us being stuck here in the Delta Quadrant?”

Thunderstruck, Chakotay and the rest of the senior officers looked at the Captain.

“Um…no…of course not! I only meant that we are situated in an uncharted quadrant which presents us with a challenge every day and…”

“…and I´m responsible for that. I still understand it Commander!”

 

 

Chakotay shook his head.

Ensign Kim looked at both of his commanding officers. What was going on between them? “Captain, I think Commander Chakotay wanted to say that…”

“You don´t need to take his side Harry! I think the briefing is over now. Dismissed!”

 

***

 

Placing the plate with Neelix’s recent creation of a spaghetti carbonara substitute on the table, Harry took his seat and shot his best friend a meaningful look. „That was really freaking odd today, wasn´t it? I mean the Commander didn´t mean it in the way the Captain perceived it.”

“I don´t understand them anymore Harry. This is going on for a couple of weeks now. I bet that something has happened between them.”

„How does it taste gentlemen?“

Shovelling another huge portion on his fork, Tom smiled at the Talaxian. „Oh Neelix. Tell me – where on earth did you get the cheese for the carbonara sauce? It’s delicious!“

“Oh, that isn´t cheese Tom.”

“Not? How did you create then the taste of cheese?”

“Hair follicles!“ Tom disgorged immediately his meal on the plate.

„That´s a joke Neelix, isn´t it?” Harry looked shocked at Neelix.

“No Harry! Drogestantic hair follicles are a delicacy here in the Delta Quadrant. They are harvested from drogestantic primates and aren´t easy to get.”

“What? Neelix, you mean we´re eating monkey hair?” Tom Paris was horrified. Even in his wildest dreams he never would have expected that Neelix could use such a thing for cooking. “Neelix don´t be insulted but I´m not hungry anymore. The next time I´ll ask before I start to eat what´s in my food or better I will take my replicator rations!”

“Come on Tom, it isn´t so bad!” mentioned Harry after he had seen Neelix`s disappointed face.

“Harry that is monkey hair! MONKEY HAIR!!! Do you understand? What will it be the next time? Rat´s tail?” At this moment Tom recognized also Neelix´s disappointed face and he apologized to him for his hasty and careless words. 

Suddenly the door of the mess hall opened and Commander Chakotay walked in. He went straight forward to the counter and greeted some crewmembers when passing by.

“The Commander looks a little bit stressed, don´t you think so?” Neelix said, following Chakotay´s movements.

“Come on Neelix! After all what happened today during the briefing it doesn´t surprise me. [What's](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/What%27s.html) [got](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/got.html) [into](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/into.html) [the Captain?](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/her%3F.html)“ Tom Paris shook his head. „The whole situation between them has lasted now for some weeks. Have you noticed that the Captain and the Commander don´t spend time any longer together?”

Both Neelix and Harry nodded. Encouraged, Tom continued.

“I tell you something. I think something happened during their time on New Earth.”

“But what could that be Tom?” Harry asked.

“Oh come on Harry! Don´t be so naive! What do you think could happen between two humans who are alone on an uninhabited planet, um?

Harry Kim blushed. “But…but the Captain would never …?”

“What Harry? Enter an intimate relationship with the Commander? I bet you both that´s the reason why they´re so strange with each other in the last weeks!” Tom Paris looked with a mischievous smile in Chakotay´s direction.

“But even if you´re right Tom, why should they avoid each other so much? If I would fall in love with someone then I would spend my whole time with this person.”

“Um Harry, you´ve got a point! But who knows? It might be all show and they meet each other secretly.” Tom Paris grinned from ear to ear. 

Neelix glanced sideways and gave Chakotay a long look before he turned his attention back to his two friends. “If you´re asking me I would say that Harry is right. Being in love looks entirely different.“ Looking again to Chakotay, he continued thoughtfully. “There´s more behind it! I will ask him!”

Harry stared thunderstruck at Neelix. “I wouldn´t do that if I were you Neelix!”

“Why not?” Neelix asked.

„Because that´s none of our business. They have a problem with one another…ok…but that´s their problem and not ours.”

Neelix looked down at Harry, crossed his arms and said with a smile “My paramount duty as morale officer on board of Voyager is to maintain the mood of the crew. That involves all crew members – beginning with Crewman Kapler over to Ensign Vorik to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. I simply will go and ask him.”

Ignoring the horrified expressions of his friends, Neelix rushed over to Chakotay, who was deeply engrossed in a PADD. “Commander, can you spare me a minute for a private talk?”

Chakotay listened to Neelix but never took his eyes from his PADD. “Well Neelix, I actually wanted to eat something in a hurry because Tuvok is already waiting for the report of the repair work on deck twelve. Could we postpone the talk or is it urgent?”

Glancing towards Tom and Harry who both were mesmerized by the scene, Neelix hesitated. “Your meeting with Tuvok is certainly more important at the moment. But would it be possible to meet afterwards? Here in the mess hall? I have a request which concerns some crew members.”

Chakotay eyed Neelix. “Has something happened which harms the morale of the crew?”

“Well Commander, you might say that. But we will talk about it when you come back from your meeting with Lieutenant Tuvok. Say 1600 hours here in the mess hall?”

“Ok Neelix. I will be there.“ Chakotay nodded to him, put his PADD in his left hand while taking his plate in the right one and decided to take the table by the window to enjoy the view of the stars.

 

***

 

Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room and was hunched over a stack of PADDS. How much she hates this paperwork. She would much prefer to sit now on the bridge but the weekly reports needed to be finished.

In the past it was Chakotay who had helped her often with the paperwork. _Chakotay_. Kathryn groaned quietly as she thought of her first officer and leaning back in her chair she stroke her hand over the bridge of her nose and then over her forehead. Her view wandered in the direction of the big window which revealed the stars flying by.Involuntary Kathryn thought of the last weeks and days on New Earth where she had lain in the evening side by side with Chakotay on the meadow before their cabin and both had looked into the starlit sky. She had been so happy during that time. The burden, the responsibility for 150 persons and the feelings of guilt which seemed to overwhelm her on board of Voyager had fallen off. She didn´t have to be the strong, fearless Captain Janeway. On New Earth she had just been Kathryn.

_„Kathryn!…Kathryn! Come out and see what kind of surprise I have for you.“ The sound of how Chakotay said her name always gave her a pleasurable feeling like having butterflies in her stomach. Kathryn finished her studies about the virus which prevents them from leaving this planet, shut her computer and went outside where Chakotay was waiting for her. He stood there under a big tree with the lovely smile which showed his wonderful dimples she loved so much and waved his hand to come over to him._

_“Let me guess? You have built something again!”_

_“How do you know that?” Chakotay asked with a mischievous_ [ __](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/mischievous.html) _smile._

_“Well, firstly you spent the last days in the woods and came home in the evening totally sweaty. Moreover you were very_ cryptic _every time I asked you what you did all those days. And finally the covered object behind your back tells me that you have been working very hard.” Kathryn could hardly wait to find out what her former first officer had built again to make their lives easier. She beamed at him and suddenly it felt like the whole world disappeared and only both of them were left there. As Kathryn became aware of that intimate moment she blushed and averted her gaze from Chakotay._

_“What is it this time?” she asked while she moved around Chakotay and tried to lift the blanket from the item._

_You can't stand it, can you? You're really like a little kid wheedling.” Chakotay said and pulled away the blanket._

_Kathryn couldn´t believe her eyes when she saw what was under the blanket. “A bathtub! You have built a bathtub? Oh Chakotay, that´s so sweet of you!“ She smiled at him and at that moment she recognized that she had placed her right hand on Chakotay´s chest. Shyly she removed her hand and went around the bathtub._

_“You can use it in the evening for the first time if you want!” said an obviously proud Chakotay._

_“You don´t have to ask me twice!” Kathryn laughed…_

 

The sound of the door chime jolted her out of her dreams. It happened again. Again she had dreamt of Chakotay and their time together on New Earth. That had happened very often in the last weeks.

„That has to be over finally!” she thought and confirmed her thoughts with a nod of her head.  

The door chime rang again. “Come in!” Kathryn said and B´Elanna Torres the chief of engineering stepped into the ready room.

“Captain, here I have the reports of the new warp core configurations which we implemented this morning. With such help the power efficiency has risen about ten percent.”

Voyager´s Captain groaned audibly. “Captain? Are you ok?” B´Elanna asked worriedly.

„Oh no, I´m fine, B´Elanna. I only thought that this means more desk work for me. Look here!” Kathryn pointed a finger at the stack of PADDS which lay before her.  “I thought I was finished already for today but…”

B´Elanna took the report of the new warp core configurations back. “If that´s the case Captain, then I will talk about it with Commander Chakotay. I think he will have no objections if…”

Kathryn rose from her chair, moved to B´Elanna and took the PADD from her hand. “It´s ok Lieutenant. One report more or less won´t change that I hate this paperwork.” With a smile she looked at her chief of engineering.

“But Captain…”

Kathryn raised her hands. “No back talk Lieutenant! I will read the report.”

The door chime rang once more and Kathryn heaved a deep sigh. “Come in!”

Neelix walked into the ready room. In his hand was a mug with fresh replicated coffee. “Captain, do you have a minute?”

Kathryn glanced from the Talaxian to the coffee mug and back to Neelix´s face. “For you always Neelix. Is there anything else B´Elanna?”

Lieutenant Torres shook her head. “Ok Lieutenant. Dismissed.” Kathryn said and smiled at B´Elanna.

While B´Elanna was leaving the ready room, Kathryn and Neelix took a seat on the couch. The Talaxian handed the mug to the Captain and she had a sip. When her palate came in contact with the caffeinated liquid her facial features relaxed.

“What´s on your mind Neelix?“

„Well Captain, you know I´m the morale officer on board and it has been brought to my attention that there are continuing differences between some crewmembers which damage the morale of the crew. “

Kathryn put her mug on the table and looked worriedly at the Talaxian. “Are you sure Neelix? I didn´t recognize any problems.“

“That´s because you are…um…you are too much involved in that case. The crew has noticed that after your…your…your return from this planet…I think you called it New Earth…well, after your return the relationship between you and Commander Chakotay isn´t the same anymore.” Neelix stammered while dropping his gaze.

Knowing exactly of what Neelix was talking about, Kathryn’s face darkened.

“Mr. Neelix, I think you are overstepping the line.” Kathryn stood and walked around. After a few seconds she turned to Neelix and looked at him with crossed arms. 

“Neelix don´t get me wrong. I appreciate your effort to maintain the morale of the crew. However when it comes to Commander Chakotay and me that´s none of your business. Understood?”

Looking worried at his Captain, Neelix got up also from the couch. “Captain, as the morale officer on board it is my duty to care for all crewmembers, beginning from a crewman to the Captain of the ship. Do you understand me?”

Kathryn took a deep breath while closing her eyes and then looked back at Neelix. “Of course I understand your concern but I can assure you that there aren´t any troubles between Commander Chakotay and me. We only have some problems adjusting to the life on board of Voyager again.” Glancing at Neelix Kathryn hoped that he would believe her. “Three months. It had been three months only the two of us. No command chain. No stress. And you´re right. We called this planet New Earth and it had been for Commander Chakotay and me…our new home. So do you understand Neelix why it´s so hard for both of us to get used to the daily life on Voyager again?”

Neelix nodded and put his arm around her. “I promise you Captain that the whole crew and above all the morale officer will arrange it so both of you feel comfortable again.”

Kathryn was surprised and touched at Neelix gesture. How much she had missed her crew. The shared laughter, the activities on the holodeck and especially that they were always there for each other. Neelix´ visit, his concern and reaction showed all that. One thing was sure. No other Starfleet captain had such a fabulous crew as she had.

 

***

 

It was shortly before 1600 hours when Chaktay stepped into the mess hall. His shift had ended just some minutes ago. The day on Voyager had been eventless. Neither had they contact with a new Delta Quadrant species nor an attack from the Vidiians or Kazon. It had been a normal day like all the others in the last weeks apart from the scene during the briefing.

On his way to the kitchen, where he thought Neelix would be, Chakotay´s thoughts wandered back to the incident. What was wrong with Kathryn that she scolded him in front of the crew? Certainly his mind had drifted far away while the briefing, back to New Earth where Kathryn and he had been so happy, and of course he had listened to Tuvok´s speech of the monthly security training with half an ear. But why did she have to treat him like a little stupid boy for God´s sake! What was wrong with that woman? It had been she who had defined again the parameters and he had accepted them reluctantly and only out of love for her.

While Chakotay was lost in thought Neelix came around and greeted him. “Oh there you are Commander! I thought you had forgotten our meeting.”

Chakotay was jolted back to reality. “Oh Neelix. No I didn´t forget it. Crewman Chell had distracted me. But now I have time for you.” Both took a seat at one of the rear tables in the mess hall to have the chance to talk undisturbed.

“Well Neelix, go ahead. What happened that has lowered the morale of the crew? Are there any problems between you and Tom? Did he try to flirt again with Kes? Did Ensign Vorik complain about Lieutenant Torres?

 “None of that, Commander. Tom and I get along with another. And even the relationship between Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Vorik is fine. It has to do with…how shall I put it?”

“Spill it out! What is it Neelix?”

The Talaxian played nervously with the cutlery lying in front of him. “Ok, it is about you and Captain Janeway.”

For a moment Chakotay´s face froze. He looked down on the table and took a deep breath before he answered him. “Neelix, when you are talking about the incident during the briefing this morning…well, I don´t know why that should damage the morale of the crew?

Neelix put aside the fork, the one he was playing with the whole time and faced the Commander. “I´m not only talking about the incident this morning, Commander. Look, it´s not only me but also Harry, Tom, B´Elanna and other members of the crew have noticed the relationship between you and Captain Janeway isn´t the best at the moment and we are worried about the reason.”

Chakotay averted his gaze.

„That´s the reason why at midday today I asked Captain Janeway if I could talk with her.”

Chakotay´s eyes darted to Neelix. What had Kathryn told to him? The truth?...That both had fallen in love with each other on New Earth, put down the parameters and had planned to live a life together. That those parameters dictated again their life after Voyager´s sudden return? No, it was impossible that she had told this to Neelix. For that he knew her too well.

„And what did she answer?“ Chakotay asked curiously.

The Talaxian repeated everything Captain Janeway had told him. Chakotay had to blink back a smile. That was the way she had tried to explain why both of them didn´t spend much time together anymore, except for the time on the bridge and the briefings, and why they avoided private contact as much as possible. The emphasis was definitely on why SHE avoided any contact with him.

“Well Commander, was the Captain correct in this respect?”

Chakotay was lost in thought. “What? What Neelix?”

“Is it true, that both of you are having problems getting used to the daily routine on Voyager?”

“Yes, you might say that.” Chakotay sighed with a slightly slanted nod.

For some seconds Neelix studied the Commander, then he stood and patted encouragingly on his shoulder. “It will come out all right in the end Commander! Cheer up! I think on behalf of the crew I can safely say we´ll do our best that you and the Captain feel comfortable again on board.

“Thank you Neelix for your nice words.” Chakotay smiled at the Talaxian and moved in the direction of the exit.

“Commander, will I see you for dinner this evening? Ensign Vorik had asked for plomeek soup and there will be also delicious bajoran hasperat.”

“Not today Neelix. I need some rest and time for myself. I will use my replicator rations. I will see or we´ll see each other tomorrow at breakfast.” With those words he left the mess hall.

When he reached his quarters, Chakotay slumped exhausted on his couch. He didn´t know the reason why he felt so weary. After all it hadn´t been such a stressful day. He decided to allow himself a rest for some seconds and closed his eyes…

 

_“What do you think?” Chakotay looked hopefully at her, impatiently awaiting her reaction._

_Kathryn couldn´t believe her eyes. “A boat!”_

_“You said you wanted to explore the river. I think I could build this.”_

_Kathryn laughed and beamed at him with her blue eyes. “We could go on a camping trip.”_

_“I'm not sure we could fit the bathtub in the boat.” He answered amused._

_“Well, that's all right. I'll have the river.”_

_Suddenly the static sound of a combadge was heard. Kathryn and Chakotay looked puzzled at each other._

_“Do you hear that?”_

_“Yes.” Chakotay moved to the direction of the rack where they had put their combadges. Again the static noise sounded. This time much clearer and Tuvok’s voice was clearly audible._

_“To Captain Janeway, do you read me? This is Tuvok calling Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Please respond.”_

_Chakotay handed the combadge to Kathryn who took it in disbelief._

_“This is Janeway.”_

_“Captain, it's good to hear your voice. We have news.”_

_While Kathryn was talking to Tuvok Chakotay kept a wary eye on her. She appeared to be  surprised. No, she was more than that but he couldn´t put it into words._

_“We have medicine which we believe will effectively treat your condition. We plan to be in orbit within thirty hours.”_

_After closing the comm.line Kathryn looked up to Chakotay; her feelings open for him to see._ _She wasn´t only surprised but also scared. Some minutes ago her sea blue eyes had beamed at him filled with love and now they looked shocked and anxious. Uncertain how they would go on. It wasn´t only Kathryn who felt that uncertainty but also him…_

 

Chakotay awoke startled from his couch. Once again he had dreamt of that last day on New Earth. The last hours which Kathryn and he had spent on this planet had haunted him for a couple of weeks. During the day it happened in quiet moments on the bridge that he dwelled on thoughts of the time on New Earth. Those short visions back into the past were characterized by laughing together and common activities. But in the evening when he was alone in his quarters all those memories of those last hours came back, which belonged only to Kathryn and him before Voyager arrived in the orbit.

Chakotay leaned back, closed his eyes for a short moment and took a deep breath. Could it be that all those returning dreams were a kind of message? He pondered about this thought for some seconds, then opened his eyes, stood up from his couch and took his medicine bundle which lay on the table. He went to the middle of his quarters and sat down on the floor. There he opened his medicine bundle and activated the akoonah, took the ornated stone in both of his hands and began to call his animal guide.

“A-koo-chee-moy-a. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of our people. But perhaps there is one powerful being who will give my restless soul some answers why I´m haunted again and again by dreams.”

Chakotay´s meditation was interrupted by the captain´s call. “Janeway to Chakotay. Report to the bridge. An unidentified ship is approaching. Janeway out.”

Deactivating his akoonah, Chakotay heaved a deep sigh. He hadn’t received any answers from his animal guide. With a worried expression, he hurriedly packed his medicine bundle and left his quarters in direction of the bridge with a quick pace.

 

***

 

„Distance?“ Standing in the middle of the bridge with hands on her hips Kathryn Janeway stared at the screen which revealed an alien vessel.

Harry Kim´s voice came from the operation station. “About 35.000 km.”

Kathryn turned around to her right. “Tuvok, hail the ship.”

At that moment Chakotay stepped quickly out of the turbolift. He moved in the direction of his command chair while Tuvok confirmed that the alien vessel answered their hail.

Kathryn went back to the middle of the bridge and prepared herself for first contact with a new species of the Delta Quadrant. “On screen!”

Only a few seconds later a humanoid alien with shoulder-length blue gleaming hair and dark uniform appeared on screen.

“My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway from the Federation starship Voyager.With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?“

The stranger´s view slid over the bridge of Voyager after which he looked skeptically at Janeway´s face.

“I´m Gard. Captain of the Kitarian ship Minto. We have already heard a lot of you, Captain.“

Surprised by this announcement, Kathryn hid the emerging unsettling feeling behind a forced smile. “I hope only good things, Captain?”

The Kitarian captain faced her with an unchanged skeptical expression. For Kathryn something was wrong with this Gard but she couldn´t put her finger on it.

“You have established an ambiguous reputation in this quadrant, Captain Janeway. I heard that you have made an enemy of the Kazon and the Vidiians.” Gard leant forward with a mocking glance and fixed his icy eyes on Voyager´s captain.

Gard’s sight sent shivers down Kathryn’s spine and to hide her discomfort, she went to the screen, crossed her arms and said with a firm tone. “Perhaps you would like to come on board and get an idea of us. Our chef de cuisine could arrange a little dinner. Our crews could get to know each other and we could talk about an exchange of needed resources. What do you think Captain Gard?”

The Kitarian Captain looked stunned at Janeway. After having heard from the Kazon Nistrim, especially from Seska he had expected at least a photon torpedo as a welcome. But instead this woman invited him onto her ship. Even more, she suggested getting to know her ship and her crew and to negotiate about an exchange of new technology. 

Gard thought about it for some seconds and then nodded to Janeway. “Captain Janeway, I will inform my crew about your friendly offer and will assemble a delegation which will come to your ship.”

“We expect you and your crew in one hour Captain!“  

As the Kitarian Captain cancelled the link and the screen of Voyager showed the stars again the mood on the bridge was full of suspense. 

“Captain, do you think it is wise to invite an unknown species on board of the ship? We know nothing about them.” Kathryn turned around to her chief of security.

“Tuvok, I have to admit that I really don´t like this Gard but we are in an unfamiliar quadrant on our own. Well, Gard is right. We have made an enemy of the Kazon and the Vidiians. That is the reason why it is important to look for allies. We shouldn´t approach all species with mistrust. Furthermore, Tuvok we only follow Starfleet´s demand. We explore unfamiliar worlds and socialize with other cultures.”

While Tuvok raised his right eyebrow at her words, Chakotay couldn´t help but smile involuntary. He loved it when Kathryn disarmed Tuvok´s logic.

“Anyway, concerning this Gard I have an uncomfortable feeling in my guts. Therefore I will go to the mess hall and ask Neelix what he knows about the Kitarians. Maybe he can lessen my pessimism. Commander Chakotay, you have the bridge!”

With those words Kathryn left the bridge to ask Neelix about the Kitarians and to inform him about the bad news that he has only one hour to prepare a dinner for their guests.

 

***

 

One hour later Kathryn Janeway stood together with her first officer and her chief of security in transporter room two to welcome their Kitarian guests. Her talk with Neelix couldn´t eliminate completely her uncomfortable gut feeling. He didn´t know much about the Kitarians. They were a withdrawn species who socialized less with strangers. He told her also that the Kitarians weren´t renowned for their placidity. With this indirect warning the Captain of Voyager had left the mess hall and awaited the arrival of their guests.

“I have located their bio-patterns, Captain.”

“Energise Mr. Hogan!” Hogan´s fingers danced over the armature and after some seconds six humanoid aliens appeared.

“Welcome aboard. May I introduce my first officer Commander Chakotay and my chief of security Lieutenant Tuvok.”

The Kitarian captain nodded to each of the senior officers. “Thank you for the invitation. You have an amazing ship, Captain.” Kathryn smiled at him and both crews left the transporter room.

On the way to the mess hall wasn´t much communication between both crews. Kathryn looked at her senior officers while the Kitarians stepped into turbolift four.

“It seems that it will be an amusing evening.” Kathryn whispered into Chakotay´s and Tuvok´s direction.

“Let´s make the best of it, Captain. What did you say earlier on the bridge? We explore unfamiliar worlds and socialize with other cultures.” Kathryn smiled at the words of her first officer and ordered the computer to carry them to deck two.

Neelix was already waiting for his guests in the mess hall. He had excelled himself once more. In only one hour he had created a delicious three-course meal. The Talaxian had just placed on the table the last bowl of Bolian tomato soup as the door to the mess hall opened and the Captain entered the room together with her senior officers and the Kitarian delegation.

“Gard may I introduce Mr. Neelix to you, our chef de cuisine and morale officer aboard Voyager.” Neelix reached out his hand to Gard, who only responded with a disdainful glance.

 “You are Talaxian, aren´t you?” With a disparaging gesture he passed Neelix and moved with the rest of the Kitarians in the direction of the well-laid table.

Puzzled, Neelix looked at his Captain, but before he could response to the offense, Janeway signalled him with her hand to remain silent.

During the dinner where all senior officers of Voyager participated, it appeared that the Kitarians became more and more communicative and in Neelix´s opinion more friendly too.

“Captain Gard would you like to have more of the Bolian tomato soup? “ Gard nodded to Neelix, who filled his soup bowl.

“It seems you are very talented in cooking, Mr. Neelix. Especially your leola root casserole is a delicacy.”

Tom Paris astonished looked to his right side where Harry Kim was sitting and whispered. “Well, those Kitarians seem not only to be the unfriendliness in person but they have also a total lapse of taste.”

Harry had to choke his laughter. However the whispering didn´t go undetected by the Kitarian captain. He looked disparagingly at both of them and then turned to Captain Janeway.

“I heard Captain that you have a technology which allows creating a kind of light being.”

“That is right. We call those beings holograms. They consist of light and molecules and are held together with a containment field. Our Doctor is such a hologram.“

Gard looked surprised at Janeway. “Your Doctor is such a light being? I would like to know more about that technology.”

“Lieutenant Torres will give you a report about the holotechnology after dinner.”

Tom nudged B´Elanna against her leg causing B´Elanna to shoot him a sharp look, followed by a roll of her eyes.

“I would like to know more about that technology now. Is it compatible with other technologies?”

Tuvok raised his left eyebrow and looked at his commanding officers who glanced at each other on hearing the words of the Kitarian. 

“We could use such a technology on our ships. Just imagine the possibilities during a battle with another ship! If my crew is hurt or decimated we could use the light being to keep the ship operational.” Gard beamed at his words with an arrogance which caused Kathryn discomfort.

“Mr. Gard, if I understand you correctly you plan to install our technology on your ship?” Tuvok looked questioningly at the alien captain.

“Yes that is what I plan. Your Captain has asked for an exchange of resources. Here is my offer. Your holotechnology for a decitonne of deuterium.”

Janeway bent forward and fixed the Kitarian with a stern glance. “Mr. Gard, that is a generous offer from you but unfortunately I have to refuse it. Our prime directive doesn´t allow us to share technologies with other species.”

The Kitarian’s expression darkened and with clenched fists he shoot Janeway a piercing look. “You fooled us, Captain. The Kazon Nistrim were right that you are untrustworthy and your race is an egotistical folk. But I almost have expected your answer and that´s why I arranged something in advance.”

With a swiftness no one had thought them to be capable of, the Kitarians jumped from their seats and drew their phasers. Kathryn stood no chance to react. Gard, who sat directly beside her, grasped her firmly and pressed his phaser hard into her chest. Chakotay and the rest of the senior officers drew their phasers too.

Trying to assess the situation, both sides stared at each other; the ragged breathings the only sound audible in the rooms. Nobody moved.

“Release the Captain immediately Gard!” Chakotay growled in a dangerously low voice at the Kitarian.

Although Kathryn´s captain´s mask was firmly in place he could see the fear in her eyes.

The situation seemed to get worse from second to second. Gard pushed his phaser deeper in Kathryn´s ribs, an unbidden gasp escaping her at the sudden pain.

Chakotay was on the fence. He knew he had to keep a cool head to get the situation under control. On the other hand the worry about Kathryn almost paralyzed him. 

“Put down your weapons and your Captain won´t be harmed.”

For a second Chakotay looked at Kathryn and then made a decision for her safety. He put down his phaser and Tuvok and the rest followed him.

“What do you want Gard?” Chakotay´s glance went back to the Kitarian who still had pressed his phaser into Kathryn´s ribs.

“I want the holotechnology!”

„Never.“ Kathryn said through gritted teeth. At her response Gard pressed the phaser even deeper into her ribs so that she groaned with pain.

Bristling in rage on seeing how they treated her, Chakotay gritted his teeth. “Give us an hour. In that time we will compile all the needed components for you and check if they are compatible with your ship.”

The Kitarian Captain nodded at Chakotay with a disparaging smile. “You´ve got one hour Commander Chakotay, not a minute more. And remember no games. Your captain´s life depends on it. Do you understand?” Gard broke into a malicious grin, causing his fellows to burst into venomous laughter.

Never before had Chakotay heard a more horrible sound. With a worried facial expression he looked at Kathryn. He knew that she disagreed with his choice. But he had made his decision and nodded to Gard. “But you also have my word that if you harm the Captain in any way, you and your people won’t leave Voyager alive.”

Relinquishing his grip from Kathryn the Kitarian captain leveled the phaser at Chakotay. “For someone in your position you are mouthy. But I´m a man of honor and I promise you nothing will happen to your Captain as long as you do what I want you to do.”

Chakotay glanced once more at Kathryn waiting for a sign of affirmation and since she blinked her eyes, he left the mess hall together with Tuvok and the rest of the crew.

 

***

 

„What are we supposed to do?“ Harry Kim paced back and forth across the briefing room.

“Harry, sit down. You´re driving us crazy. We are all worried about the Captain but it helps nobody if we don´t keep a cool head.” Tom Paris laid his comforting hand on Harry´s shoulder and forced him to sit down.  

Chakotay examined his senior officers closely. Everyone appeared to be shocked by the Captain’s kidnapping. Even Tuvok, one of the most emotionless persons Chakotay had ever met, seemed worried. “We still have 47 minutes until the ultimatum of the Kitarians is over. Any suggestions?”

Harry´s eyes darted towards Chakotay. “We could beam a security team into the mess hall and surprise the Kitarians with it.”

Tom Paris shook his head at his friend´s words. “And put the Captain at risk of phaser fire? Forget it Harry! We need another solution.” Chakotay nodded at Tom while he spoke.

Tuvok put his fingertips together. “May I remind you Mr. Kim that the Kitarians have built up a dampening field. We can neither beam something in nor out of the mess hall.”

Time went by and with each passing minute Chakotay became more and more disquieted. He stood up and went around the room crossing his arms. “Our time is running out. We only have 41 minutes. We need a solution. Fast.“ He paused at the window and looked out to the universe. What would Kathryn do in such a situation?

“Neelix, I wish you had mixed some knockout drops in the drinks of the Kitarians.” Paris said and leant backwards in his chair.

Chakotay abruptly turned around. „That´s it!“

„What Commander?“ Tuvok raised both eyebrows.

“We sedate the Kitarians! B´Elanna, some EPS-pathways lead to the mess hall, right?”

“Yes Commander. But what are you planning to do?” B´Elanna looked at him questioningly. “We will just do what Tom said. We will sedate them.” The atmosphere in the briefing room was suddenly filled with hope.

“And how Commander?” asked Harry who was obviously relieved that finally a solution was on its way.

Commander Chakotay activated his combadge. “Chakotay to the Doctor.”

“Doctor here.”

„Doctor we need multiple liters of anesthetic gas. How long do you need until you have replicated it?”

“I think not more than twenty minutes.”

“Good. I will send B´Elanna and Harry to help you. Report when you are finished. We have only 34 minutes until the end of the ultimatum. Chakotay out.”

In the following minutes Chakotay explained his plan and then dismissed the crew to prepare everything for its realization.

 

***

 

Kathryn sat at the far end of the mess hall and watched the Kitarians. Until now they had kept their word and didn´t harm a hair on her head. However as time went by the Kitarians seemed to be more nervous and aggressive than before. She´d overheard a heated discussion about the next step.

Gard who was situated near the bar moved now to his crewmembers and demanded them full-throatedly to be quiet. They had still plenty of time and he was sure the crew of Voyager didn´t want to lose their captain under any circumstance. Especially Commander Chakotay appeared too partial towards his Captain. He had noticed the glow in his eyes every time he looked at her and it appeared that Chakotay loved this woman from the bottom of his heart. In his opinion there was no doubt about it and that´s why Gard had the first officer over a barrel. A man who loves would do everything to save the life of his love even to break the almighty Starfleet regulations and to overstep the prime directive.

Kathryn had a dry throat. She stood and started to move in the direction of the bar to get something to drink.

“Stop! Where do you want to go?” A Kitarian leveled the phaser at Kathryn and flashed at her with dark eyes. 

Appeasingly she lifted her hands. “Excuse me but I only wanted to get something to drink. I…”

“Back to your place!” He indicated to her with his phaser to sit down.

Laughing spitefully in Janeway´s direction, Gard looked at her with an arrogant grin. “Why so unfriendly, Verto? Pour her a glass of water. No one should have the impression that we Kitarians are impolite.”

A clank sounded from the kitchen. Gard turned around in surprise and saw the broken glass on the bottom, and beside it the Kitarian squatting on the floor and holding his hand before his face.

„Verto, what’s wrong with...” Without having the chance to finish the sentence, Gard’s knees gave away and he fell to the ground.

Although Kathryn was aware that something was wrong, her surroundings became black before she was able to give it another thought.

Only minutes later a hatch behind the bar opened and Chakotay, Tuvok and Ayala stepped out of it armed with phasers and breathing masks.

Chakotay motioned to Ayala to look after the Kitarians while Tuvok deactivated the dampening field. He went to Kathryn´s direction. When he found her unharmed it took a load off his mind and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Tuvok, check the environmental controls!” Tuvok looked at his tricorder to check the readings.

“Everything is in normal range Commander.” All three men removed their breathing masks.

“Lieutenant Ayala, beam the Kitarians into an escape capsule and send them into space before the effect of the anesthetic decreases. Tuvok, is the dampening field deactivated?”

“It is, Commander.”

“Ok, then please help Ayala.” Taking the hypospray, Chakotay placed it on Kathryn´s neck to reverse the anesthetic gas.

A few moments later Kathryn stirred and blinked with unfocused eyes at him. “Commander what happened?”

“Shhhh…everything is alright Kathryn. Rest a moment. The Doctor said the anesthetic could cause some headache.”

Kathryn touched her forehead, as a knocking pain passed through her head and she began to massage her temples.

As Chakotay tried to help her up Voyager was jolted by a tremor. Only moments later the red alert shrilled. Chakotay activated his combadge when it beaped.

“Chakotay to the bridge. Report!“

„The rest of the Kitarians have opened the fire Commander!“ yelled Harry Kim through the comm.link and Chakotay could hear how his fingers danced over the console.

“Tom, evasive maneuver. Fire back. The Captain and I will come to the bridge as soon as possible. Chakotay out.”

 

***

 

The door of the turbolift opened and Voyager´s commanding duo stepped onto the bridge which was full of frenetic activities.

Once again a burst of the Kitarian ship hit Voyager almost causing Kathryn and Chakotay to topple over.

Kathryn clung both of her hands to the operation station. “Report Mr. Kim!”

“The Kitarians are firing with all they have, Captain. Deck five and nine report hull breaches. The warp drive is offline. We have only impulse. Shields at 68 percent. Sickbay reports 14 casualties.“

Kathryn moved to her command chair and activated her console.

“What are you looking for, Captain?” sounded Chakotay´s voice on her left side.

“I´m looking for an asteroid or a nebula where we can hide from the Kitarians.

After some seconds Kathryn looked up to the helm station. “Mr. Paris let´s get out of here! Maximum impulse. Course 58379.6!”

Tom keyed in the coordinates, his fingers almost dancing over the panel.

Some minutes later Voyager entered a nebula. According to Tuvok’s analyses the nebula disturbed the sensors of Voyager as well as those of the Kitarians.

“That should give us some time to repair Voyager. Tuvok, assemble some damage control teams and repair the hull breaches of deck five and nine. Harry, go to engineering and help B´Elanna to restart the warp drive. I´m going in my ready room and will map out a strategy to escape the Kitarians. Commander you have the bridge!”

 

Only three hours later all senior officers met in the briefing room. Everyone looked expectantly toward Captain Janeway. She stood up and looked smilingly into the faces of her crew.

“Before I start the briefing, I would like to thank the whole crew for my rescue.” Kathryn stopped briefly, closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she continued. “The greatest thanks for my rescue belongs to Commander Chakotay. Without his rescue plan I wouldn´t be here.” While speaking she laid her hand with a familiar gesture on his shoulder.  At that moment he looked up to her with shining eyes. As Kathryn recognized his glance she blushed, looked away from her first officer and moved back to her chair.

In the upcoming hour the plan was made how to escape from their enemies.

“Well, it seems everything is clear. Return to your stations.” Kathryn faced once more her crew and smiled encouragingly at them. “Dismissed!”

Only half an hour later engineering reported that the warp drive was operational. Even all hull breaches on both decks were repaired.

Chakotay was on his way to the shuttle bay. He was to leave the nebula first with a shuttle to distract the Kitarians so that Voyager could use the moment of surprise to escape the Kitarian ship.

 

“Shields Mr. Tuvok?”

“Shields at 100 percent, Captain.”

Kathryn activated her combadge. “Janeway to Chakotay. We are ready Commander.“

„Acknowledged Captain. Chakotay out.”

Kathryn knew that this plan was dangerous. The type two shuttle was armed lightly and only capable of warp five. Chakotay had immediately agreed to take the mission and had refused Paris´ objection because the best pilot had to stay aboard to maneuver Voyager out of the danger zone.

Kathryn’s gaze was fixed on the screen and followed the shuttle leaving the hangar and heading to the end of the nebula.

Her thoughts were centered to him. She shook her head and moved to her command chair. It was paramount that she keep a cool head now. Chakotay knew what he was doing. He was a good pilot and it had been a long time since he had damaged a shuttle or even destroyed it. On remembering Chakotay´s talent in ruining a shuttle Kathryn had to grin. He would succeed, she was sure about it.

“Mr. Paris, follow the shuttle. Maximum impulse.”

Paris keyed in the course and following Chakotay´s shuttle, Voyager slid out of the nebula only to come immediately under Kitarian fire only seconds later. 

“The diversionary maneuver of the Commander doesn´t seem to impress them.” was the frantic sound from the operations station.

“Red alert! Tuvok, target their deflector. Harry, status of the shuttle?” Kathryn rose from her chair and headed to the operations station. She had to cling at the railing because Voyager was hit with a concussive energyrepeatedly.

“The shuttle is equally under fire like Voyager. Its shields are at 53 percent.”

Kathryn looked worriedly at the screen. She saw how the little type two shuttle was hit from one burst after another. Her stomach tensed. Thousands of thoughts flashed through her mind. How long could the shuttle withhold the fire? Was he alright? Was he hurt? Would she ever see him again? „Tom is it possible to beam the Commander out of the shuttle while we are going onto warp?”

Lieutenant Paris looked over his shoulder. “It is possible Captain but very risky. This maneuver was performed twice successfully up to today. We have to calculate the process exactly and lower the shields at the moment when Voyager goes to warp. We only have some nanoseconds time to seize the Commander. Captain, at which level of warp do you want to engage?

“Maximum warp!”

Paris looked startled at her for one moment then nodded and sent Harry the exact calculations.

In the next moment the bridge was shaken with a hard tremor. Kathryn and some other crew members were swept off their feet.

She held her thorax, her face contorted with pain. Harry Kim had heard the cracking sound of her ribs when she was catapulted against the railing.

“Captain, is everything alright?” Kathryn stood up slowly and nodded with a pained expression to him.

“I think I´ve broken some ribs but the Doctor can look after it later. Now we have to rescue Commander Chakotay and move Voyager to a safe place. Status Mr. Tuvok?”

The Vulcan controlled his panel and watched his Captain with a worried-looking face.  “We have received a direct hit to our port nacelle. The forward phasers are offline. Shields at 67 percent. I suggest engaging the maneuver as soon as possible. Our shields will no longer stand the fire.”

Kathryn looked over to Ensign Kim who nodded at her and signalized that the calculations were finished. Then she shot Lieutenant Paris a questioning glance.

“I´m ready Captain. I only wait for your order.”

“Do it!“ She sat down in her command chair while Tom´s fingers slid over the armature.

“Activating the warp drive. Harry, lower the shields on my command and beam Chakotay out of the shuttle directly to sickbay. Understood?”

Ensign Kim nodded to him.

„Now!“

Only a few moments later Voyager jumped to warp.

“Harry?” Kathryn looked in the direction of the operations station. Anxiety was reflected in her eyes. On Harry´s forehead glittered beads of sweat.

“HARRY?” Suddenly Kathryn felt cold. A shiver ran down her spine. Was there something wrong? Were Tom´s calculations wrong? Or did Harry activate the transporter too late?

Kathryn couldn´t sit any longer in her chair. She stood up abruptly. Once again a piercing pain passed through her body but it didn´t matter to her. All what counted was Chakotay.

“I have him!” came from the operation station.

Kathryn closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself.

“Sickbay to bridge.”

Kathryn opened her eyes and activated her combadge. “Janeway here. How is Commander Chakotay doing, Doctor?”

“He is badly injured. You should come immediately to sickbay!“

The message of the Doctor seemed to pull the rug from under her feet. Once again pain hit her only this time it wasn´t from her thorax but from her heart. “I´m on my way Doctor. Janeway out.”

Kathryn turned to Tuvok. “Tuvok are we being purs...?”

“No Captain. The Kitarians aren´t pursuing us. You should go now to sickbay.”

“But I have to do first…”

“Go to sickbay Captain. Look after Commander Chakotay and let yourself be treated by the Doctor. According to my observations it seems that you have a rib fracture.”

Kathryn looked with a little smile at her old friend, nodded to him, gave him the command of the bridge and went into the turbolift.

 

***

 

Five minutes later she reached sickbay. The moment she stepped in, she saw him lying on the biobed. The Doctor scanned with a tricorder Chakotay´s thorax. Recognizing the sound of the door the Doctor raised his eyes and looked with a worried expression at Kathryn.

While she headed immediately to the biobed her eyes never left Chakotay. On his forehead was a deep cut which Kes was trying to heal with the dermal regenerator. The Doctor finished his scan and closed the tricorder.

“His life signs were weak when he was beamed over here.  Outwardly the Commander has only a cut and some abrasions. But his inner injuries were much worse. He has some bone fractures which resulted from crashing into the navigation console during the Kitarian attack. Some bone fragments hurt his left kidney and the heart. I healed both injuries. But as a consequence of the crash the Commander has a severe traumatic brain injury. That is why I induced him into an artificial coma so that his brain has the chance to regenerate.”  

While listening to the report of the Doctor Kathryn had to expend all her energy to maintain her Captain´s mask. She was torn between the desire to touch Chakotay and to vent her emotions, and to remain strong and to give confidence.

“How long will Commander Chakotay have to stay in the coma, Doctor?” Kathryn looked questioningly and pleadingly at the EMH all at once.

“Well, not too long Captain. The human brain is very complex but it possesses the ability to regenerate very soon. I will revive Commander Chakotay from his artificial coma in two days at maximum. He should be off duty at least for one week to recover physically but also mentally from his injuries.”

Kathryn nodded thankfully at the Doctor´s words and breathed out audibly but as a result of this deep breathing she felt again the piercing pain in her left side of the thorax and groaned. The Doctor noticed her reaction and scanned immediately her upper body. 

“Captain, you have a bad ribs contusion and also a fracture of two ribs. Please lay down on biobed two.” While the EMH healed her injuries, Kathryn closed her eyes and her thoughts belonged to Chakotay.

 

***

 

Some hours had passed since the Kitarian attack, but none of their ships were seen on the long range sensors. Kathryn felt exhausted and powerless. She had been awake for more than thirty hours. She handed command to Tuvok and went to her quarters.

After her arrival she headed almost trancelike into her bedroom and slumped onto her bed. But every time she closed her eyes she saw Chakotay´s face. Restlessly Kathryn rolled in her bed from one side to the other.

Some minutes later she left her bedroom and went into the living room, where she replicated a coffee and sat on the couch gazing at the moving stars.

With every sip from her mug she recalled the events of the day. The appearance of the Kitarians…inviting them to dinner…her kidnapping…Chakotay´s face during her rescue…the following attack of the Kitarians…their escape into the nebula…Chakotay´s diversionary maneuver…the second attack of the Kitarians…the attempt to rescue Chakotay…Chakotay badly injured in sickbay.

Kathryn stared at her mug. It had been her fault. Once again she had endangered her crew. Chakotay had to suffer because of her faults. Why hadn´t she listened to Tuvok when he had advised her to not invite the Kitarians?

Starfleet commands them to explore unfamiliar worlds and socialize with other cultures. That´s easy to say if you and your crew aren´t stranded in an uncharted quadrant.

With each passing minute Kathryn blamed herself more and more for what had happened. Setting aside her coffee mug, her gaze wandered to the moving stars.

“I can´t allow it any longer that my emotions influence my decisions. I can´t bear it again to lose a loved person because of my own faults. Once I lost Daddy and Justin because of an emotional mistake. I couldn´t cope with such a situation again.”

Kathryn stood up and moved back to her bedroom. She had made a decision. From now on there would be only a professional relationship between her and Chakotay. The parameters which she had set once on New Earth and which allowed a friendship would now be written much tighter. There wasn´t a “WE” anymore. Now they were only captain and commander and nothing more.  

On the following day the Doctor informed her that Commander Chakotay had awoke from the artificial coma and that he was on the road to recovery. Kathryn had taken this message with an endless relief.

 

***

 

In the following week in which the Doctor had exempted Chakotay from duty on Voyager, Kathryn visited him for short times accompanied by Tuvok and asked after his health. 

Her aloof behavior hurt Chakotay deeply. She could barely look in his eyes. But why? Was it because she was feeling responsible for his injuries? She had apologized to him during her short visits. He told her that it wasn´t her fault because he had chosen the danger to save Voyager. But Kathryn shook her head. Told him that it won´t happen again and left together with Tuvok from his Quarters.  

Kathryn´s behavior towards him didn´t change either after recommencing his duties some days later. Chakotay was dumbstruck. In the upcoming weeks she treated him like a stranger. This had to come to an end. Chakotay decided to confront her at the next best occasion.

She had adjourned to the ready room for a time. On the bridge it had been quiet and Chakotay decided to take the opportunity. He handed command to Lieutenant Paris, headed to the ready room and activated the door chime.

“Come in.”

Chakotay stepped in and stood with crossed arms in front of her desk.

The Captain knew without looking up who just had come into her room. She could identify his after shave lotion from all the other ones. “Concentrate Kathryn!” she said to herself and faced Chakotay. “Commander what do you want?”

“Permission to speak freely?”

Janeway frowned but nodded. Chakotay moved one step closer to her, released his crossed arms and put his hands on her desk.

“What is wrong with you, Kathryn? Did I do something that hurt you? For a couple of weeks you have treated me like a stranger. Well, actually since our return of New Earth our relationship has cooled down. You asked me to give you space and I did. I have agreed that these damn parameters still dictate our life. But now you avoid me on any occasion. Why?”

“What do you want to hear from me, Commander?” Kathryn´s voice sounded cool and indifferent.

All of his pent-up and stifled emotions erupted suddenly. Chakotay raised his voice. “What I want to hear from you? Spirits, Kathryn! Listen to yourself!”

“Commander, I don´t need to remind you who is in front of you.” While speaking Kathryn stood from her chair, hands on hips and faced her first officer.

Shaking his head Chakotay looked away. He would have loved nothing better than to grab and shake her in order to bring her back to reason, but instead he said calmly: “I thought I knew who you were, but Kathryn there is a side to you that I never knew up to now.” At his last words he looked her straight in the eye. “I love you Kathryn. Do you hear what I´m saying? I love you.”

Flabbergasted by his honesty Kathryn turned her back on him.

Chakotay´s impatience and anger rose again. “Kathryn, look at me.” But his captain was thunderstruck and didn´t move. “Kathryn, look at me.” Chakotay repeated his request.

“Commander, please leave my ready room.”

“Not until I hear how you feel about me.”

“I feel for you no more or less than for any other crewmember aboard Voyager.”

At her words Chakotay clenched his fists. “Kathryn, you are lying and you know that. Turn around and say it straight to my face that you don´t love me.”

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Kathryn slowly turned around. Her heart beat so fast, as if it wanted to jump out of her body. But she tried hard to look at Chakotay. “Commander, I don´t love you. We had a wonderful time on New Earth but my heart belongs to my fiancé Mark. I apologize if I have raised false hopes for you. It wasn´t my intention.”

Staring blankly at her for some seconds he turned around and left the ready room without a word.

When the doors had closed behind her first officer, Kathryn collapsed into her chair. Never before she had seen the expression in Chakotay´s face colored with such anger, disappointment, hurt and endless love. But had it been the right decision? Had it been right to lie to him? Had it been right to lie to herself and to use her fiancé as an excuse? Yes, it had been right. For the good of the crew and especially to protect Chakotay, she had to forget her love for him. She had to cope with a huge task and at all costs she had to bring the crew back home. To reach this principal goal she had to keep a cool head and couldn´t afford to be distracted by something or someone. Buried her face in her hands she started to weep tears.

From this day on the relationship of the command duo changed. The bond of friendship had been torn. Now there was only a professional working relationship between the two of them.  


	2. Disappointments

“Personal log, Stardate 50023.4. The past weeks have been eventless aside the dispute between Chakotay and me. Our relationship has cooled down and we have now only a professional one. But it seems that the morale of the crew hasn´t suffered under the change. I plan to…” Tuvok´s call interrupted her logbook entry. Annoyed at this disruption Kathryn rolled her eyes and activated her combadge.

“Janeway here. What is the matter Lieutenant?”

“Excuse me Captain that I have to interrupt you after your shift has ended but we have received a distress signal from a small ship, approximately eight light years away. Shall we alter the course?”

“Do it Lieutenant. I´ll come to the bridge. Janeway out.”

A couple of minutes later the doors of the turbolift opened and the captain stepped on the bridge. Chakotay was standing there.

“Report Commander.”

„We received a distress call twenty minutes ago approaching from direction 438.560.”

“Origin of the signal?”

“We don´t know Captain. It is a standard distress signal.”

“Whoever needs our help we will know it soon. How long Mr. Kim until we have visual contact of the ship?”

“Captain, we will reach the position of the distress signal in approximately fifteen minutes.“ 

“Good. We should prepare for casualties.” Kathryn activated the console which was situated between her and Chakotay´s chair and informed sickbay. A sudden cheeping sound came from ops and the command duo turned around.

“Captain, we are being hailed.”

“Put in on screen Mr. Kim.”

The picture on the screen wasn´t clear but Chakotay recognized immediately who stood before them. Seska´s nervous voice sounded onto Voyager´s bridge. Janeway glanced over at her first officer who sat stonily in his chair and stared in disbelief at the screen. 

 

“Chakotay, I don´t have much time. So listen to me. Our son and I are in great danger. Culluh knows that he isn´t his son and will put him to death. Please help me! Not for me, but for your son. Look at him. He looks like you. Please Chakotay, I beg you, help…“ Seska´s voice died down and the screen showed again the familiar view of the moving stars.  Janeway was the first who extricated herself from everyone´s paralysis.

„Mr. Kim, hail her.“

Harry´s fingers ran over his console and some seconds later he shook his head. “Sorry Captain, but Seska doesn´t answer our hail.” Disappointed he took his hands from the panel and sat down on his chair.

Everyone on the bridge seemed to remain paralyzed because of Seska´s distress call. Janeway glanced over at Chakotay who sat on his chair showing no emotions. But in his eyes she could see that he struggled with a fight within himself.   




“Commander, accompany me in my ready room.” Chakotay got up from his chair abruptly and left ,stepping quickly, the bridge. Janeway followed him. Entering the ready room all pent-up emotions – anger, frustration and disappointment – blurted out of him. He had to fight to not lose his temper.

“She has no right to expect me to help her after what she did to the crew and me.” Chakotay took a deep breath to calm down his fury. Janeway raised her hands and tried to soothe Chakotay with this gesture.

“She knows you, Chakotay. She knew how you'd react when you saw your son in danger.”

Chakotay faced the window of the ready room while she spoke. He stood there calmly for some minutes and said no word. Kathryn let him fight his inner battle. All of a sudden he turned around to her. His face still reflected rage and disappointment and before he could say a word, Kathryn knew which decision he had made.

“I have a duty to this crew. I can't just leave and go looking for a child I never could love.”

At his words Kathryn stepped up to him and stopped at the ready room´s railing, symbolizing a visible barrier between her and Chakotay´s point of view, and faced him with worried eyes.

“I know that it´s only your decision but I believe I am speaking for the whole crew – Starfleet and Maquis – when I assure that we will all support you. You aren´t alone, Chakotay. Don´t forget that the child isn´t responsible for the behavior of its mother. It is your son, Chakotay. He is not guilty.”

Chakotay glanced over to her into her kind and loving sea blue eyes. Did she know how much she bewitched him with her eyes? One glance from her was enough and he melted away. But he had made a decision and although Kathryn meant well for him, she couldn´t stir him from his resolve.

“Captain, I appreciate your offer but I can´t and won´t do it. Maybe Seska and the child are in danger but it could be also a trap.” Kathryn wanted to say something but Chakotay stopped her by moving his hands and silenced her with that gesture.

“I´ve made my decision. Captain, set a course back to the Alpha Quadrant and put as much space between us, Seska and the Kazon as possible.” Kathryn faced him with a worried expression. He wasn´t the Chakotay who she was familiar with. In her head were a lot of questions. But the most important one haunting her mind was the question of what Seska had done to him that he reacted so icily.

Kathryn shook her head and looked deep into the Commander´s eyes. She could understand his turmoil of emotions and his worry towards the crew. But she knew one thing: Chakotay´s son was in danger. Trap or not, she had to rescue this child.

“Commander, I heard your decision but I can´t grant your wish. Your son is a part of our crew and I swore myself to never abandon a member of my crew. I will convene a briefing for the next hour where we will make a plan to rescue your son. Dismissed.” While she was speaking Chakotay took a deep breath and gazed at her. He disagreed with her decision. Spirits, that woman was so stubborn and pigheaded. But he knew it didn´t matter if he would take issue with her decision. She wouldn´t change her mind. Without a word he turned around and left the ready room.

 

***

 

One hour later all senior officers met in the briefing room where Captain Janeway explained her plan to rescue Chakotay´s son. “We all know Seska. Assuming her distress call could be a trap, my plan is as follows. Two shuttles fly to the coordinates of Seska´s distress call and contact her. Voyager stays behind and when it turns out that Seska tried to lure us into a trap then Voyager goes to the rescue. The moment of surprise would be ours.” Looking around at her crewmembers she added “Shuttle one consists of Lieutenant Ayala and me. Shuttle two will be yours Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim.”

During the whole briefing Commander Chakotay sat apathetically on his chair and watched the discussion without saying a word. After the briefing he stayed some minutes more in the room. He activated his combadge and summoned Mike Ayala. Some minutes later Chakotay heard the hiss of the doors. He turned around in his chair and asked the lieutenant to sit down.

“Lieutenant, I think the Captain informed you already. Right?” Ayala nodded and Chakotay continued speaking.

“I would like to ask you something, Mike.”

Surprised by the informal addressing, Mike bent forward. He knew that Chakotay had something on his mind. “Go ahead. What´s wrong old friend?“

Chakotay looked down at his hands which were folded together in his lap. Moving his eyes to the window, he spoke with a calm and low voice to his former Maquis friend. “I want to ask you something Mike. Could you keep an eye on the Captain? I know that she is a tough and strong woman but sometimes I fear her bravery. If it turns out that the rescue operation is too risky then please abandon it. Ignore all orders from Kathryn. After your return I will take the responsibility for your actions.”  

“Why Chakotay?”

The Commander turned his face to Mike Ayala. “Because I´m afraid for her. I don´t want something to happen to her. Will you promise me to keep an eye on her and bring her back healthy?

Ayala nodded and leant back never losing eye contact with Chakotay. “There is one thing I want to know old friend. Do you have feelings for the Captain?”

Chakotay shirked from Ayala´s look and dropped his gaze on his hands which were still folded together in his lap. He nodded, closed his eyes and said: “I love her more than my life.”

Suddenly Chakotay noticed a hand on his shoulder. He hadn´t realized that Mike had stood up after his words and came over to him. “I will keep an eye on her, old friend.” With those words Lieutenant Ayala went out of the briefing room leaving Chakotay alone with his thoughts.

Some hours had passed since the briefing and the whole crew was busy with preparation for the rescue operation. Both shuttles were equipped with additional shield and propulsion configurations to be prepared for a possible attack of the Kazon. Exactly at 1600 hours the shuttles left Voyager´s hangar and headed to Seska´s last coordinates from her distress call. Captain Janeway had informed recently the whole crew of the rescue operation and handed her command to Chakotay.

He sat now disquietly and sorrowfully in his command chair and his eyes fixed on the viewscreen which showed both shuttles going onto warp.

 

***

 

„How long until we reach the coordinates, Lieutenant?“ It had been a comfortable atmosphere in the shuttle. Only the hum of the instruments could be heard.

Mike Ayala worked the keyboard. “We will reach Seska´s last position in approximately fifteen minutes.”

“Paris to Janeway. The weapon system and the cloaking device are ready for use. We are waiting for your next orders, Captain.” 




“Captain, we´re being hailed. It is Seska.”

„On screen, Mr. Ayala.“

Only moments after Lieutenant Ayala had established the comm.connection, the arrogant voice of the Cardassian woman could be heard.

“Captain Janeway, I see, you answered my distress call. But where is Voyager?” Questioningly Seska looked around before she continued to speak. “I managed under great difficulty to escape from Culluh and the Kazon Nistrim and hoped that you would rescue me with your ship.”

“Seska, don´t worry! We scanned the whole sector and didn´t detect any Nistrim ships. How are you and the child?” Janeway had an uncomfortable feeling. Seska didn´t seem to be like someone who feared for her life. Voyager´s captain hid her concern and faced attentively the Cardassian woman.

“My son and I are fine. But where is Chakotay? Will he not see his child?” A malicious smile formed on her face. She knew exactly how much Chakotay hated her.

Janeway regarded her intently. “Commander Chakotay is aboard Voyager and waits there for his son.”

“Did you hear that my darling? Your father is already waiting for us.” Seska cradled her son in her arms. “But where is Voyager exactly, Captain?”

„Why is that so important to you? It doesn´t matter where the ship is. We are here to rescue you and your son. I suggest lowering your shields and then Lieutenant Ayala will beam you aboard.” Janeway´s uncomfortable feelings grew from second to second. Something seemed to be wrong. Suddenly Seska began to laugh hysterically. Her cackle scared the baby and it started to cry.

“Shh…shh…shh…my darling. Everything is fine.“ The Cardassian woman laughed again and looked mockingly at Janeway´s face. The view of the screen changed and Culluh appeared next to Seska. His loud laughter joined hers.

“Hello Captain Janeway. Well, because you won´t tell us where Voyager is located then it isn´t necessary anymore to maintain the masquerade. What do you say about my son, Captain?” Culluh took the baby from Seska and cradled it, showing a sardonic smile to Janeway.

For a moment Kathryn Janeway was left speechless. She looked over to Mike Ayala who seemed to be speechless as well. “Your son? But I thought…“

Seska interrupted her. „That had been all part of our plan.“ 

“Plan?” Janeway horrified faced her former crewmember. Chakotay was right from the start. It had been a trap. The only thing that mattered to Seska was Voyager´s technology and nothing else. A few times she had tried to get Starfleet´s technology and every time she had failed.  Now she was using her son to reach her goal. Janeway glanced in disgust at Seska and shook her head. “I knew that I couldn´t trust you and that you stop at nothing. But I had never thought that you wouldn´t flinch from using your own son as a lure.”

Ayala interrupted her. “Captain, in front of us two Kazon cruisers are decloaking.

Janeway looked at her panel in disbelief. He was right. Two warships of the Kazon Nistrim appeared directly behind Seska´s little shuttle and charged their weapons.

“The game is over Captain.” Culluh sounded mockingly just before closing the comm.connection. Within a moment Lieutenant Ayala implemented an evasive maneuver to avoid the first Kazon bursts.

In the meantime Janeway contacted the second shuttle. “Janeway to Paris. Shut down the cloaking device and fire at the Kazon warship´s starboard weapons.”

“Aye Captain.” sounded Paris voice over the comm.link.

Janeway and her three officers knew that they couldn´t withstand the attack of two Kazon cruisers for very long and therefore tried to minimize the danger as much time as possible until Voyager could come to their rescue. In the meantime Ensign Kim sent a camouflaged distress call to Voyager which escaped notice of the Kazon.

A fierce combat began. For a short moment the Kazon warships were unsure what to do but then they changed their tactic and each cruiser was focused on one of the shuttles. Thanks to his longstanding pilot training the shuttle of Lieutenant Paris received only a few hits and with Ensign Kim´s help they disabled quickly Seska´s and Culluh´s little ship. However they could accomplish little else against the warship. The Captain´s shuttle was less lucky. From the beginning Seska´s ship as well as the other Kazon cruiser bombarded the little Starfleet shuttle.  

„Damage report, Mr. Ayala.“

„Shields at 48 percent. Our front phaser banks are offline and we received a direct hit in our port side nacelle. I don´t know how long we can withstand the fire, Captain.” Concern was written all over their faces. Frantically working on their consoles they tried to evade the bombardment.

“Lieutenant, transfer all available energy into propulsion.”

“That won´t be enough to go onto warp, Captain. But we could reduce the life support system to a minimum. We could make it with that extra burst of energy.“ Janeway nodded to Ayala. Moving to the rear of the shuttle he made the modifications to transfer the supplemental energy to propulsion.

In the meantime Janeway contacted the second shuttle. “Janeway to Paris. Hold your fire and go as fast as possible at warp. Hopefully Voyager is waiting for us at the rendezvous coordinates.”

Suddenly the shuttle was hit by a heavy tremor. Lieutenant Ayala was catapulted through the shuttle´s interior. Other tremors followed. Standing up Ayala groaned with agony. A throbbing pain flashed through his head. Moving his hand to his back of the head he felt the reason for his strong head pain: A beginning laceration. In a daze he looked around the shuttle´s interior. Obviously the panels were heavily damaged by a systems overload; sparks shot like little flashes out of the consoles, one was even burning. Acrid smoke filled the cockpit. After some seconds he saw her. Captain Janeway lay bent forward on the control console and wasn´t moving.

“Captain?” She didn´t answer. He jumped up and staggered forward while the shuttle took a punishment of Kazon bursts every five seconds.

“Warning. Warp core breach in one minute.” The monotonous voice of the computer sounded.

Ayala pulled his captain back in the chair and activated his combadge. “Ayala to Paris. Beam us over, Tom. The Captain is unconscious and the shuttle will blow up directly.” Before he could feel the beaming´s pleasant tingle in his body, Ayala set a collision course at one of the Kazon warships. After he and Janeway materialized aboard the second shuttle the targeted Kazon cruiser shattered into pieces in a huge explosion and was destroyed.

Tom Paris greeted him animatedly. “Welcome aboard Mike. That was a direct hit. The Kazon warship is severely damaged. They are unable to fight. Weapons and propulsion are down.”

„We´re being hailed. It´s Voyager. They received our distress call. Interception in ten minutes.” Harry Kim´s fingers flew over the panel. Worriedly, he glanced over his shoulder. Lieutenant Ayala had laid down Captain Janeway on the floor and scanned her torso with a medical tricorder. From afar Harry could see the deep cut on the right side of her forehead. He furrowed his brow and faced Paris with a alarmed expression. 

“How is the Captain, Mike?” Without turning his gaze from the control console, Tom could sense from Harry´s reaction how badly the captain was hurt. Ayala´s answer confirmed his apprehension. Janeway had severe internal bleeding. „We should get away from here as soon as possible. Harry, fire everything we have and target their propulsion system. I will transfer all available energy to our propulsion and then we´ll jump to warp.”

In the following minutes the Kazon warship received many hits damaging its propulsion system. The little Starfleet shuttle once more made an evasive maneuver and jumped only a few seconds later to warp.

 

***

 

Chakotay hurried sorrowfully to sickbay. Barely after the shuttle had landed in Voyager´s hangar he handed the command over to Tuvok.

The sickbay doors opened and he saw her there lying on the biobed. The Doctor was scanning her and ordered Kes to give him cordrazine. Chakotay headed to the biobed but was stopped by a hand on his upper arm. Ayala´s expression was rueful and his eyes mirrored sorrow and sympathy.

“I´m sorry, Commander. I´ve failed. I should have been more alert but everything happened so fast. One moment she ordered me to transfer the life support system, so that more energy was available for our escape, and the next moment a Kazon burst hit us. I was thrown across the interior of the shuttle and also the direct hit caused an electrical discharge at the panel which hit the Captain with full power.” Ayala´s voice was breathless. Chakotay listened carefully to his old friend but his eyes never left Kathryn´s small frame on the biobed. After Ayala´s explanation Chakotay nodded encouragingly to him.

“Mike, it wasn´t your fault. I don´t blame you for it. It was an accident.” Clapping him on his shoulder Chakotay headed to Kathryn´s biobed.

She lay there so peacefully. If he hadn´t seen the deep cut on her forehead then he could have sworn that she only slept. Chakotay looked at her for several seconds. Then he addressed the EMH who had finished his first scans. “Doctor, how is the Captain doing?“

The Doctor took a deep breath while folding his tricorder and began his diagnostic report. “Well Commander, because of the huge electrical discharge the Captain had received a heavy hit against her head and torso. I have already healed the inner injuries caused by the major bruises in the region of her thorax. What worries me most is her head injury. The impact on the control console has caused serious damage of her cerebral cortex. Because of this damage a lot of the cerebrospinal fluid extravasated so that Captain Janeway went comatose.” The Doctor barely dared to look at the Commander´s face. He could see there too much pain and sorrow.

“How long will her recovery take, Doctor?” While speaking Chakotay took Kathryn´s hand in his and squeezed it lightly.

“I don´t know, Commander. I did everything in my power to save her. I can neither say when she will awake nor if she will awake ever. We can only wait and see.”

Chakotay thought that the world would stand still. He looked down at Kathryn and tears filled his eyes. He touched her hand hoping she could sense his caresses.

“Tuvok to Commander Chakotay… Tuvok to Commander Chakotay…Commander, do you read me?” The words of the Vulcan jolted him out of his paralysis.  

“Chakotay here. What´s up?”

“Our long range sensors have detected some Kazon warships at intercept course. We need you immediately on the bridge.”

“I´m on my way.” Chakotay squeezed once more Kathryn´s hand tenderly and faced then the Doctor. “I want a medical report every hour.”

“Aye Commander.”

With a heavy heart Chakotay headed to the bridge, his thoughts being with Kathryn.


	3. Nascent Hope

It had been twelve days since the Kazon attack. Twelve days where Chakotay was in command on Voyager´s bridge. He missed Kathryn. Oh yes, he missed her badly. Although they had only argued in the last weeks and had barely spent time with each other except at their shifts on the bridge, without her life wasn´t the same on Voyager like in the last two years. He loved her and even if she wouldn´t love him, he couldn´t repress his feelings for her. Often he caught himself gazing for seconds at her command chair.

Of course the bridge crew recognized his behavior. Everyone could see how the Commander suffered under the situation.

Every day as soon as his shift was over Chakotay headed to sickbay, sitting there for several hours at Kathryn´s biobed. He only went to his quarters for sleeping. The Doctor gave him a daily report of Kathryn´s state of health but Chakotay wanted to be near her. Kathryn should sense that he was at her side to give her security and confidence, as he had done during the last two years. In the first week he had slept even at her sickbed. He wouldn´t and couldn´t let her alone. The Doctor wasn´t pleased with the Commander´s permanent stay, although he understood why Chakotay wanted to be near the Captain. Everyone on board assumed that both had feelings for each another. And after their stay on the alien planet, which they had named New Earth, every crewmember had reckoned that both would confess their feelings to one another. For that reason the sudden coolness in the command´s team relationship had been incomprehensible for everyone.

But the Doctor recognized also that Commander Chakotay was put under enormous stress, physically as well as emotionally. The EMH was concerned about his state of health too and finally he convinced him at least to go to his quarters for sleeping. Chakotay had accepted this order reluctantly but he had to admit to himself that he felt exhausted and powerless.

During the hours in sickbay Chakotay told Kathryn everything that happened aboard of Voyager. Starting from new species and phenomena which they had encountered, to events on the bridge or new rumors circulating in the mess hall. The Doctor had raised barely his hopes that the Captain would recognize everything in her subconscious, but Chakotay was really convinced that Kathryn could understand him.

 „Neelix has tested today a new recipe. Leola root casserole au gratin. It sounds more delicious than it tasted in reality. Crewman Chell even voluntary gave up his lunch and said that he would rather clean the Jeffries tubes with a toothbrush than eating Neelix´s new creation. B´Elanna took him at his words and told him to clean engineering tomorrow. It seems that Jeffries tubes 16-21 will shine in new splendor.” Chakotay had to smile thinking of the situation in the mess hall some hours ago. Looking down at Kathryn´s face his smile died away. He had hoped to evoke an emotion from her. But nothing happened. Kathryn was almost two weeks in a coma and there was no improvement of her state to be seen. Chakotay´s despair grew from day to day. Holding her hand the whole time he squeezed it lightly, bent down and whispered something in her ear.  “Kathryn, please wake up. The crew and I need you. Promise me to fight. Do you hear me? Don´t give up. I know you can hear me. Fight, Kathryn! Fight!“

She wanted to scream and squeeze his hand showing Chakotay that she heard him. But Kathryn was trapped. Trapped in her own body. She noticed that Chakotay squeezed her hand once more. Then she heard the hiss of the doors. He had left and Kathryn was imprisoned in the silence again which threatened to overwhelm her.

 

***

 

Chakotay stepped into his quarters and headed to the replicator. He replicated a yerba maté and sank tired and exhausted onto his couch. He sat there bent forward for some minutes gazing absentmindedly at his mug. The sound of the door chime jolted him out of his thoughts. “Come in.”

The door opened and B´Elanna entered the room. She faced Chakotay with a concerned expression. He looked tired and worn out. Although the Doctor had sent him to his quarters for sleep it seemed that he was unable to find any peace of mind there. Without waiting for Chakotay´s invitation B´Elanna sat down beside him on the couch. Both were silent for some seconds ´till B´Elanna broke the ice. “How is the Captain doing?”

Putting down his cup of tea on the table, Chakotay shook his head. With a sigh he buried his face in both hands and started to inform B´Elanna of the captain´s unchanged state of health.

B´Elanna considered Chakotay with a sympathetic look. “The Captain will awake and recover. You only must believe in it.” She gently touched Chakotay´s shoulder to encourage him, but he shook his head once more and buried his face only deeper in his hands. At that moment B´Elanna could hear a soft sobbing. She never had seen Chakotay crying. In all those years since she had known him, he had been strong and always looking ahead. Now his reaction scared her. B´Elanna moved nearer to him and stroked his back comfortingly. Chakotay´s crying stopped. He wiped his tears with his right hand from his face. Reaching for his mug he took a sip.

“I´d better take a glass of Romulan Ale. That would numb the pain.”

“Alcohol never resolves problems, Chakotay, and you know that. But what about talking with a friend?”

Chakotay looked over to B´Elanna and nodded to her. “You´re right B´Elanna. Do you want something to drink?”

“Yes, please.”

He stood and replicated a yerba mate for B´Elanna too. Seating himself again he told her what was troubling him. B´Elanna listened carefully while he poured his heart to her telling her what happened between Kathryn and him on New Earth and later on Voyager and which fears and sorrows he had regarding Kathryn´s state of health. Two hours later Lieutenant Torres left the first officer´s quarters. Chakotay had fallen asleep on his couch after the talk. B´Elanna had blanketed him, recycled both teacups in the replicator and then dimmed the light. Now she knew what had depressed her friend in the last weeks and what caused the disharmony between Voyager´s commanding duo. She hoped that their talk had lessened his burden which clouds his soul. Tired and exhausted after her day she reached her quarters and fell into a deep sleep some minutes later.

 

***

 

The following days in the Delta Quadrant were without considerable occurrences. For that reason Chakotay used the time to be more often near Kathryn. He took the reports of engineering, of the implemented repairs or Neelix´ new demands for provisions with him to sickbay to read them there.

Sitting at Kathryn´s sickbed he read all details of B´Elanna´s final report of the improved warp core configurations to her. Kes was busy working on the biological samples which the Doctor had made one day before. She looked at Commander Chakotay with a chuckle while he read the reports low-voiced to the Captain.

“Commander, do you really think that the Captain enjoys hearing those reports?”

“I know she hates desk work but maybe she will awake and beat me round the head with those PADDS because I´m boring her to death with them.” Pausing at his last words Chakotay faced Kes sadly.  “I didn´t mean it like that.”

Kes glanced at him anxiously. “What do you mean, Commander?”

Chakotay put the PADD aside and looked down at Kathryn with a sad expression. “…to bore her to death…Spirits! I didn´t mean it like that. My only wish is that she gets out of the coma.“  Chakotay took Kathryn´s left hand holding it with his both hands. Kes moved to the biobed and touched his shoulder.

Suddenly Neelix voice sounded over the comm.system. “Neelix to Kes.”

“Kes here. Neelix, what is it? I´m busy at the moment.” Kes released the Commander´s shoulder and stepped back so she could speak to Neelix without interruption. After a short moment she headed to Chakotay. “Excuse me, but Neelix needs my help in the mess hall.”

“It´s ok Kes. Just go. If something should happen I can call the Doctor.“ Kes nodded to him and left sickbay.

Chakotay faced Kathryn again. Her bad head injury had healed in the last days. She lay there so peacefully. He was still holding her hand. With his thumb he stroked tenderly the smooth skin. Chakotay bent forward lightly and guided her hand to his lips. He breathed a kiss on her fingertips. A pleasant tingle passed through his body. Chakotay bent doubled over to her. His lips were only a few centimeters from hers away.  

“Tuvok to Commander Chakotay. Commander, we will encounter in some minutes the Talson convoy.”

Damn. The Talson. Chakotay winced at Tuvok´s call. He had totally forgotten the meeting. Some days ago the Talson had contacted Voyager asking for a deal. Neelix had been extremely happy because the Talson were known in the Delta Quadrant for their varieties of fruits and vegetables.

Chakotay straighten himself and activated his combadge. “Acknowledged Mr. Tuvok. I´m on my way. Chakotay out.“ Chakotay shook his head. Tuvok and his timing. Sometimes the first officer could swear that that Vulcan had a sense of occasion to interrupt every intimate moment between Kathryn and him. He looked down at her once more and headed then to the door. Stopping abruptly midway he turned around and went back to Kathryn´s biobed. Chakotay bent forward and put his hand on her chest like an intimate gesture which Kathryn used when feeling unobserved. His lips were close to her ear. Barely audible he whispered to her. „I love you Kathryn Janeway. I loved you and will always love you.“ With those words he left sickbay and set off to the bridge.

Only seconds after Chakotay had declared his love to her, a tear rolled down from the corner of Kathryn´s eye and ran down her cheek. Chakotay didn´t notice her reaction to his declaration of love. The doors of sickbay had already closed behind him.

 

***

 

Kathryn stood in a huge dark room with several doors. She didn´t know which door she should open. Voyager´s captain rattled at every door but they all remained closed. She was seized with panic. Kathryn wanted to leave the room, wanted to be back aboard Voyager, back to her crew and above all back to him. She loved him. There was no doubt about it. She had been so stupid in denying her feelings for Chakotay. Kathryn tried once more to open a few doors but nothing happened. At that moment she heard his voice again. She turned around several times. Chakotay´s voice came from one of the doors. Kathryn screamed at him but it seemed he couldn´t hear her. She collapsed powerlessly by the wall. She pulled her legs to her holding them enclosed with her arms. With her head lying on her knees Kathryn began to cry.

„I love you Kathryn Janeway. I loved you and will always love you.“ Chakotay´s words resounded in no uncertain manner through the dark room. Kathryn looked up and suddenly it seemed that one of the doors was ajar. She rubbed her eyes. Indeed the door had opened a little bit. Kathryn stood up and headed to the door stepping slowly.

„I love you Kathryn Janeway. I loved you and will always love you.“ Hearing Chakotay´s words once more in her head she passed through the doorway.

Kes had returned to sickbay. Neelix hadn´t needed her help for very long. So she continued her work with the Doctor´s biological samples. She glanced over to Captain Janeway. The monitors showed normal values. Kes turned back to her biological samples but then she recognized a light motion of the Captain´s eyelids. The Ocampa put aside the samples and moved to the biobed where she could see clearly the fluttering of the eyelids.

“Captain?” Kes touched Kathryn´s shoulder who then opened her eyes just at that moment. “Doctor! I need you here immediately.”

The Doctor was busy with some medical studies in the sideroom. “What is it, Kes?“ Within a moment he appeared in the doorframe thinking that the Captain´s medical values were worse. He hurried to her, looked down astonished at Kathryn and smiled at her. “Welcome back Captain.”

 

***

 

The meeting with the Talson took not as long as Chakotay had expected. After one hour the deal had come to a satisfactory conclusion for both parties. Chakotay sat in his command chair stroking the bridge of his nose.

“Commander?” Chakotay looked over his shoulder to Tuvok. „If you wish, I can take the last two hours of your shift. According to my observations you seem to be tired and worn out. Some rest would do you good.”

Chakotay couldn´t believe his ears. Was Tuvok showing feelings of sympathy for him? Chakotay nodded to Tuvok and stood up from his command chair. “Thank you Tuvok. You´ve got the bridge. Should anything happen, please contact me.“ Tiredly he left the bridge and entered the turbolift. He collapsed into bed along with his uniform and fell asleep only a few minutes later.

“Sickbay to Commander Chakotay. Commander, do you read me?”

Chakotay groaned and tossed and turned in bed. Suddenly he started up, hearing the Doctor´s call. Has something happened to Kathryn? Chakotay sat up and reached for his combadge on the bedside cabinet.

“Chakotay to the Doctor. Is everything alright with the Captain?” Chakotay´s voice cracked with sorrow and fear.

„Yes Commander…I mean no Commander. I only want to inform you that the Captain is awake.” At the end of the comm.line the Doctor could hear clearly that the Commander held his breath. Chakotay couldn´t trust his ears. He stared in disbelief at his hand holding his combadge.

“I´m on my way. Chakotay out.” Chakotay bounced out of his bed and took his uniform jacket. Stepping quickly he left his quarters and reached sickbay some minutes later.

The door opened and for a short moment he stopped looking in the direction of Kathryn´s biobed.

“Sorry for disturbing your sleep Commander but here is someone waiting for you.” With a wave of his hand the Doctor gestured him to come over. Chakotay stepped slowlyto her and took her hand. 

The Doctor sounded proud. “I can inform you, Commander, that the Captain has made a full recovery. She is only a little bit groggy and needs some rest. You can speak to her but don´t stress her too much.”

His feelings overwhelmed Chakotay and his eyes filled with tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn´t ashamed of his tears. He was only happy. 

“I will leave you and the Captain alone.” The Doctor gave Kes a signal to follow him. Both went to the sideroom of sickbay and gave Kathryn and Chakotay their privacy. 

“I´m so happy that you have awakened. I thought…I had hoped that you…” His voice broke down and Kathryn could hear a soft sobbing. She squeezed his hand encouragingly. Chakotay stopped his crying and faced her with his dark eyes.

Kathryn felt a warm glow in her belly seeing his love for her in his eyes.

“You stayed the whole time at my side, didn´t you?” At first it had been only a whisper from Kathryn´s mouth but the more she spoke the more her voice sounded more powerful. “I hope that the Jeffries tubes 16-21 are clean and beam like the ocean in the sun.”

Chakotay faced her with a puzzled expression. “What? What are you talking about Kathryn?”

“Crewman Chell and his cleaning mission in engineering.” Chakotay’s expression became even more perplexed.

“I heard everything you were talking about while I was in the coma. And you were right I wanted to beat you round the head with the engineering reports. You know how much I hate desk work.” Kathryn raised her left eyebrow at her words and smiled mischievously at Chakotay.

“Does that mean that you understood everything I reported to you?” Chakotay couldn´t believe it.

Kathryn nodded her assent and beamed at him. “You were the light in my darkness where I had been. Without you I wouldn´t have been able to bare it. Your voice was my crutch, my tower of strength like you were the last two years.”

Kathryn grabbed his right hand and while speaking she pulled Chakotay down to her. Only centimeters separated them from each other. Kathryn traced the lines of his tattoo with her fingers. How often had she dreamt of this moment? Her hand moved down his cheek and her fingers stroked tenderly his lips. Looking deep into each other’s eyes they could sense the endless love they felt for one another.

“I love you.” It had been only a soft whisper leaving her mouth, but for Chakotay this sentence meant the whole world. He kissed her fingertips still resting on his lips.

Kathryn could read his surprise of her love confession in his eyes. “I was scared Chakotay. Being scared of what could happen to you under my command. I could have never gotten over it.“

All those unshed tears of the past months filled Kathryn´s eyes. It took a load off her mind releasing her from all the self doubts and reproaches.

Chakotay remained silent. He was deeply moved by Kathryn´s love confession. Gently he stroked the tears from her cheek.

“I was a fool. Friend or lover? I could never forgive myself if something happen to you Chakotay. But life is too short and too valuable. Now I know what I want.”

Chakotay held his breath.

„I want to be with you. I don´t want to live a second without you. I love you Chakotay more than words can ever express. You are my true priority. Can you forgive me?”

He said no word. Instead of he bent down to her and answered her question with a kiss.


End file.
